Via Rasella and the Cuggini di Campagna.
The courageous debate opened by La Russa on the bullshit they taught in the FdG offices in the 80s (in high school I had classmates who attended FdG and I've heard worse: luckily then the history teacher would arrive and plan everything to zero) arrives in a providential moment, because human civilization is mature enough to understand the Cuggini di Campagna, and therefore for First Contact. But let's go by degrees. (there appears to be construction on the highway).
First, who was in Via Rasella on March 22, 1944?
Let's go to the facts, and let's use a TRUE historical method.
You must know that the Cuggini di Campagna have not always been four: once upon a time (they were born about 13 billion years ago, but I prefer them in a solid state), I was saying once they were as many as 37.
Well yes, in those days Rock bands weren't Rock, because Rock didn't exist (in short, human civilization hadn't really started yet) and the orchestras made the music.
“Orchestra”, Crusca teaches us, derives from the word “Orchite”, because honestly (and it's time to say it, even if THEY don't want you to know it) the music of the period was comparable to the pleasure of the Orchite. Hence the name "Orchestra".
I don't know if you've ever heard cephalopod songs like “Fccetto Nera”, or the hit of the period, that sandpaper of balls (it's a technical term) called “Lili Marlene”. Understand that at that time, orchestras were specialized in orchite.
We need to make a technological digression. (even if THEY® don't want you to know it): once upon a time music had another function. Propelling missiles.
When you built a rocket back then, you didn't have anything to get them off the ground. If you don't believe it, you can ask any serious grandfather who went to war®. It doesn't matter if today's grandparents danced the Righeira – or the Sex Pistols – and smoked weed: a real ISO9000 grandfather – he went to war – for definition.
I was saying, as any grandfather who went to war will tell you® in those days there were no rocket fuels. At most, pasta and beans, but only on Sundays . (the world in those days existed only on Sundays, as is known).
So how did they get the missiles off the ground when it wasn't Sunday? They put a person (he who dies for his country lived is a long time!) sitting on the toilet inside the missile, usually on Monday to reuse Sunday's pasta with beans. Then they made him listen to the "songs" of the period, which unleashed the diarrheal hydrodynamic thrust. For this reason, the more aggressive nations had developed very "cinematic" music, such as "Black Face, Lili' Marlene", etc.: it served to give more thrust to the missiles.
Then when Chef Von Braun emigrated to the USA, he was able for the first time to use the Beatles as shitty music, and it was a revolution because the Beatles had a secret formula capable of overcoming escape velocity.
For this reason, the Cuggini di Campagna were a strategic target, as even Ligabue's grandfather (who fought in the war, as is obvious being a grandfather) was not able to generate enough thrust. As science is precise, here is the conversion table:
| Song | Missile | Full speed | Pushed into UB | Push in A |
| Lili Marlene | V2 | Mach 5 | 0.03 Yellow Submarine | 1 Lili Marlene |
| Black Facet | “Missiles? At most, firecrackers, and only on Sundays” | We say “minimum slowness”. | 31.22E-10 Yellow Submarine | 20.9E-12 Lili' Marlene |
| Yellow Submarine | Apollo 11 | ~Mach 32 | 1 Yellow Submarine | 6.7 Lili Marlene |
| Some nights | “Socmel mod 1”. | – | – | – |
(UB= beatles Unit, UN=Nazi Unit. Being American they would have used ANYTHING, rather than using the metric system).
Let's go back to the facts of Via Rasella.
As I said, it is obvious that something like "the propellant for the V2" would have been a strategic target. As is well known, in times of war, in Italy there was strategy only on Sundays. (this explains how the country's greatest victory in WWII was… El Alamein).
Then, the partisans decided to attack the Bozen, or rather the Cuggini di Campagna, who are originally from Trentino. For historians, the cut of the hair has been instrumental in determining the provenance.
As you see above, you don't need to be a historian to understand that Bozen's men were country cousins. The uniforms are about the same. But Hugo Boss has nothing to do with it (also because he didn't even design those of the SS, he limited himself to manufacturing them).
It is a historical fact that is easy to verify: in Italy in 1944, you couldn't go around dressed like that anywhere else than Bolzano. To tell the truth, even today it wouldn't be that simple, if we exclude places like Sanremo, which however exist for a few days a year.
Initially the Cuggini di Campagna were called Die AlmannsBauern, but due to the laws of the period foreign names were forbidden, and therefore they became the "Tamarri Di Nonna Amelia". Only with the German invasion were they able to change their name, and changed their name to ” the 11th Company of the III Battalion of the Polizeiregiment “Bozen ” “. I know, it doesn't sound like a successful band name, in fact they changed it again after the war. Though it's not like they've been much more successful. (but in Brixen they have been in the Top 10 for 40 years).
It is therefore a historical fact. The "bozen" were the Cuggini di Campagna. Speech closed. QED.
What happened then? It happened that the partisans (for brevity, the Måneskin fans), decided to detonate a bomb at the passage of the Cuggini di Campagna. In fact they had the habit of walking lined up and covered. At the time this way of walking was normal, because choreography was a serious matter. For example, in those days if you went for a picnic, let's say in Poland (the meadows that are there, guys! Kurwwwwwa!), you walked like this. As the Germans say, “Spazieren Tag”. This is to say how much they cared about the choreography.
However, the Cuggini di Campagna were walking lined up and covered in Rome, and suddenly a bomb exploded. The problem is that they were the remains of a Sunday bomb (because in times of war only the rich had bombs, the others only on Sundays), and therefore nothing happened. It was a harmless firecracker.
Why did 33 of the 37 Cuggini di Campagna die? Because Signora Lella, in Via Rasella 17, third floor, had a gramophone in the house. And he had left a Rammstein Vinyl, ready on the gramophone, by the window.
As soon as the Cuggini di Campagna, hearing the firecracker explode, exclaimed "ach, so!", all hell broke loose.
Being the Cuggini di Campagna, they cannot make any sound that is not one of their insipid choirs in falsétto® that the Pooh give us a saw. The sound of the silly chorus in doublet® reached obviously the Rammstein album, which reached a critical mass. As TÜV teaches us, you must not approach insipid coretti in falsétto® like those of the Pooh, or the Cuggini di Campagna, less than 2.13 km from the nearest Rammstein vinyl.
The City of Rome was then hit by the shock wave of a gigantic "DU HAST", due to the explosion of Mrs. Lella's Rammstein vinyl. What if he knew about music.
In a rare footage of the time, here's what happened in Via Rasella:
History lesson: you should never, NEVER, EVER make a silly coretto in falsétto® Pooh style, or Cuggini di Campagna style (who, as it is known, invented the Poohs), less than two KM from the nearest vinyl of the Rammstein.
For the Germans, 2.13 km.
Also for your education: Scientists from the Bielefeld Academy of Sciences are trying to determine whether Iron Maiden® electric guitar choruses can also cause similar effects. But the experiment would be too dangerous, even in a place that doesn't exist like Bielefeld. So also be careful not to put the Somewhere in Time vinyl next to one of Rammstein. And if you put a Sodom vinyl next to it, you are asking for it.
In order to corroborate the story with strong evidence, here is an example of insulso coretto in falsétto®
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6kpUJeo2SIE
the next singer of NightWish will come out, perhaps, to have a less masculine voice than the singer. But Sarah Jay hasn't decided to give herself up to music yet, even if she has the right blond curls to sing Anima Mia.
Coming back to us, the gigantic DU HAST in Via Rasella was produced by the accidental encounter between a vapid chorus in falsétto® by Cuggini di Campagna, and a vinyl record by Rammstein.
The explosion had unimaginable power, to the point that something was heard in the air in Milan, even if the locals thought they heard "Yuppi Du". But it was a sound effect typical of a technology that was still little known. (for example, in Hiroshima someone thought they heard Captain Harlock's initials in the air).
In the explosion 33 Cuggini di Campagna died, who absorbed the shock wave because they were taking a breath after the first, insulso coretto in falsétto®, which can absorb several megatons.
After the explosion, the partisans (in short, the Måneskin fans) who had planted the firecracker fled, hiding inside a marriage (they are very skilled in crashing marriages, disguising themselves as spouses) and therefore the direction of the Music Academy of Berlin (in short, the Third Reich) decided to punish very Wagnerian. In those days it meant death but in those days “death” was called Gotterdammerung – four hours sitting on wooden chairs inside a shitty theater in Bayeruth, with a shitty sound, inside a pit that will kill you with heat if it is summer, cold if it is winter, called “Gulf Mystic”. And you have to drink it all, the Mystical Gulf.
Three hundred and thirty-three people perished listening to Wagner: and as you can see, Trentino is back in the number! A coincidence? I do not think so. (Then they became three hundred and thirty-five, but as the Sud Tirol VolksPartei says, enough with the immigration of Italians. ) Even the trials in Fortiori are on my side. Science, as usual, inpara us.
However, three hundred and thirty-five people, selected from Ligabue's fans, are condemned to die slowly, on the infamous wooden chairs of Bayreuth, listening to ALL the Gotterdammerung. Four hours in line, sitting on wooden chairs designed by Torquemada himself, and not just any Torquemada: one with hemorrhoids and ingrown toenails. For the sole fault of loving Ligabue. (Provided that people who love Ligabue's music can be defined as people, of course. )
The three hundred and thirty plus, relieved of their infamous fate – having to publicly support that Ligabue does Rock is forbidden by international conventions – thanked the Berlin Philharmonic and faced their destiny with the Joy of one who does his duty.
This is how things went, according to historical science.
I know what you think. You think I'm joking about something serious, that I shouldn't say these things, that I'm desecrating a moment that deserves much more respect, and that I'm doing historical revisionism.
Since it's April 1st and I'm NOT the President of the Senate, would you mind saying all these things to La Russa? Thank you. Please. Everyone at home is fine.
I believe that I will dedicate an entire post to the bullshit they "taught" in the FdG, of which Meloni was director.